The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
