im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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