why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.