hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize