shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
