Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
