Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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