I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
