no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
