my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
