I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize