i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
