so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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