He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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