I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
