I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
