whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
