life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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