Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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