The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize