Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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