I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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