I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
