He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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