how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
