It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
