Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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