does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize