well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
