it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
