I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
