I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
