im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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