Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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