Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
