dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
