No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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