Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
