I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
