Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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