What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
