Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
