I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
