Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
