The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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