Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
