Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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