I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life