3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm determined to sit on that face.