I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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