you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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