The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize