You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
