Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
