i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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