you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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