my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
