uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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