im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
